Sunday, March 1, 2009

Computerish Humor: Predictions For 2035 And The Reasons We're All Confused

Hola y Feliz Domingo,

Sorry if my Spanish is a little rusty. It's been a while since I was required to know it in order to get out of High School ;)

I hope everyone is having a pleasant and relaxing Sunday :) Today, we're going a little off the Linux/Unix-computing-humor beaten path with some humorous predictions for the year 2035 and a nice list of reasons why we're all so confused (it all seems so simple now...)

I found both of these entries on the Words Of Wisdom pages of Coincidentally enough, even though it is the weekend, I'm actually writing this at work. Hopefully I won't get busted!

Enjoy the laughs and may the remainder of your weekend remain toil-free. Mine, too ;)


Stories for 2035

Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops & livestock.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon).

Afghanistan still closed off--physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Hunt continues for Osama bin Laden; believed sighted at Yasser Arafat's tomb in Detroit.

Thirty-five year study proclaims diet and exercise is the key tow eight loss.

Nursing home big news ... Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper. Hillary's coma persists.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Baby conceived naturally.....scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 Florida "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Ozone created by electric cars killing thousands in Los Angeles.

Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New California law requires that all nail clippers, screw drivers and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.

U.S. Supreme Court outlaws Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet' as pornography. Chief Justice Clarence Thomas writes opinion.

Colorado motorist arrested for not driving SUV.

Average worker's Social Security (FICA) contribution hits $12,000 per week. Protests planned.

Congressman Gary Condit still missing.

Senator Strom Thurmond remains dead; continues to cast votes.

White House demands Saddam Hussein's resignation for 748th time. No response.

Seats for Mel Brooks' "The Producers" on Broadway, decline to $12,000 per.

Oprah Winfrey, nearing retirement, buys Illinois.

No Wonder We're Confused

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

, Mike

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