Sunday, November 30, 2008

Even More Madcap Manpages - Linux and Unix Laughs

Hey there,

Here's hoping you're enjoying your Sunday and wrapping up a nice 4 day weekend (Or, at the very least, a nice 2 day weekend... sometimes being a sysadmin can be hard on your social life ;)

Today, while out trudging through the wasteland of that thingy they call the Internet, looking far and wide for stuff to make me chuckle, I ran across this awesome collection of fake, and funny, man pages. The clip in today's post is from the New Man Pages page, which you can check out for links to even more humour and an unexpurgated version of this page. As I've almost grown sick of explaining, I had to change a few words to keep this blog in Google's good graces (or, more importantly, to keep from getting an adult warning page slapped on top of a collection of Unix and Linux scripts and tips). I'm still not sure why they're so hard-line on this topic (i.e. you're either "bad" or you're "good"). It doesn't seem like it would take a quantum leap forward in implementation, thinking or coding to only tag certain pages with an "adult" flag while leaving the rest of the site accessible to the general public. I'm sure there are folks out there who find almost everything I write offensive to some degree, but... well, enough with the frustration. As Lenny Bruce used to say, "These are the jokes, folks!" This is good-time Sunday. Yay :)

I, personally, don't have any issues with my employers today, but I thought the bosskill manpage was hilarious :)

Hope you enjoy these funny man pages as much as I still do :)


Man Pages

alt.sysadmin.recovery man page distribution.
Found on Eric L. Pederson page.

Section 1 - User Commands

lart Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool
slave a semi-interactive command for the dirty work
sysadmin responsible for everything imaginable that may or may not have to do with the system you're using.
Contraction of "system" and "administrator"
think you don't have to think, the computer can think for you
whack mangle requests to a printer or damage a printer

Section 2 - System Calls

people fetch a structure containing all ttys, whose owner behaves like a human

Section 3 - C Library Functions

chastise library function to punish users

Section 5 - File Formats

normality definition of what types of normalities different users may have

Section 8 - Maintenance Commands

bosskill send a signal to your boss, or terminate your boss
ctluser control lusers
guru System Administration
knife tools to improve network performance via SNIP
luser process to control the clueless induhviduals who (mis)use computer systems,
peripheral devices and system administrators. Word play on "loser" and "user"
nuke launch nuclear weapons at mapped USENET sites
pmsd Periodically Manic System Daemon. Manages the bizzare and sometimes unexplainable
behavior exhibited by computers

Other man pages

rtfm read the frickin manual
uubp Unix-to-Unix beer protocol
dream suspend execution for an interval while executing random code in memory
sex have sex
baby create new process from two parent processes

, Mike

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