NOTE: Since the above is the only line (save these introductory ones) of this repost of one of the few posts I've done here that contains nothing but insane ranting (Reference The original posted response to the demand for me to write a completely nonsense post ...on purpose ;) for the original version. It may or may not be funnier than this one ;), I feel compelled to let you know that this bit of surrealism is a bullet aimed at the heart of article spinning. I suppose it would have been more profound (In an Andy Kaufman'ish sort of way, if I didn't feel the need to explain myself, but he had a much drier sense of humor than I do ;) Enjoy the read :)
And, just in case this next line gets mangled, too:
If you're a lawful reader ( or even a slightly product reader ) of this blog, you haw hit noted that from instance to instance I'll, tongue in cheek, attain reference to, one day, eventually writing a locate that basically says nothing, goes nowhere and ends flat, leaving you opinion same you bought another pet rock. For whatever reason, there is resistless interest in my actually going finished with this and making a rank mimicry of my journal (although I've felt, at whatever times, that I was achieving that modify quite admirably ;) by writing meet much a post. Since I pride myself, somewhat, in doing what I feature I'm going to do (no concern how stupid or harmful ;) today has embellish the day that I locate digits to keyboard and blow discover that post.
PLEASE NOTE: I'm not kidding. While this locate haw be somewhat amusing, you module probably walk away, after reading it, realizing exclusive that you'll never ever get that instance back. Without boost ado, fanfare and/or circumstantial pomp, here comes that post. Please Stop Reading Now if you don't poverty to feature a whatever paragraphs that module ultimately pose no problem, hold null and leave without paying the check. You've been notified. This locate is meaningless. It module also be cursive without emoticons from this saucer on. The whole thing's a joke. I meet can't type that many winks in one post. The last instance I attempted to, my keyboard got rubor and I had to hit it deloused at the Rustler Steak House down the street from my Pet Psychic's favorite Organic Food outlet.
Unix and UNIX are two keywords I same to use a aggregation in locate bodies, and locate titles, for this blog. It goes mainly to the fact that this journal is about lots of things Unix and UNIX related. And, since it's next to impracticable to do beatific SEO with a journal where the content on the front page changes all every day, dropping backwards on those two words (and a whatever choice other ones) helps ready this cyber-rag in Google's goggles. You haw hit noticed that I used them in my denomination today and have, thus far, used the words UNIX and Unix a total of 6 nowadays (3 each) within a relatively short chunk of text. I hit no sense of direction and also can't calculate keyword density on the fly, but, if my offhandedly calculations are correct, I'd feature we're hunting at about a 100% saturation level, at the rattling most.
I'm a huge fan of Solaris and RedHat, which makes it hornlike for me to speech to plants, even though my wife insists that they're listening and I haw actually be serving them grow. Still, when it comes down to a choice between using either UNIX or Unix to rank a particular task, I run to lean toward the wall in the duty with the most stable furniture. I've been studying Feng Shui for whatever instance now, and I crapper honestly tell you that null is where it's supposed to be. One of the underlying principles of that ancient training (or is it meet the exclusive belief that involves heavy lifting?) is the assertion that where you locate things crapper hit a dramatic effect on your quality of life. For instance, if you follow a subfigure in your eye, you module be blind, bleeding, in nonindulgent pain and making a disorderliness of your experience area in no time. Luckily, the color flushed attracts beatific energy. The kind that module help you muster up the strength to either vantage that subfigure backwards discover of your eye or, at the rattling least, locate your @ss in a car that (depending upon the severity of your wound) is either going to modify up in the crisis room parking aggregation or enwrapped around a tree on your neighbors lawn. If you promulgation sufficiency beatific energy, you haw even attract the attention of strangers who module call 911 as presently as they've run discover of video tape.
Fortunately, the resolution to every difficulty is nearly as simple as the difficulty itself. All you requirement to do is follow these 3 simple steps, and you'll be able to troubleshoot whatever UNIX or Unix difficulty that comes your way. This is a tried-and-true method that is virtually 100% guaranteed...
1. Be trusty that you see the language in which the difficulty is existence described to you. More pointless meetings hit been adjourned due to poor act than for whatever other reason. Understanding is key when you're handling with someone who is completely paralyzed by irrational fear. If, after exhausting all options, you find that you still cannot attain whatever headway, pretend to understand. Nodding, squeezing of the lineament between thumb and forefinger and unclear (yet distant) actuation of the eyes, coupled with satisfactory sounds same mmm-hmmm, crapper go a long artefact toward getting you to step 2 as quickly as possible.
2. Email the exclusive programme you hit who, for whatever reason, refuses to answer direct questions via whatever recordable medium. While he (or she) crapper be extremely irritating under most circumstances, you hit an ally in this management-type who module provide you with absolutely bullet-proof @ss-cover if anyone ever comes around asking questions. Just be trusty you send the original email and ready binary copies (at binary locations) of the response requesting that you get unitedly to handle the issue in person at an off-site location.
3. Using the aggregation you've barely gleaned, and the brush off you've cleanly pocketed, during the enforcement of steps 1 and 2, manufacture an incident that trumps both with respect to both immediacy and length-of-engagement. If you hit to get to work on something \"mission-critical\" right away and you strength be going at it for days, without sleep, so that your consort crapper hang on to whatever hope of staunching the flow of imaginary life-blood-cash, your difficulty should be reassigned presently enough.
IMPORTANT NOTE REGARDING STEP 3: Be trusty that your \"emergency\" requires you to be off-site (i.e. discover of the duty and, preferably, discover of the accumulation center. Shoot for a non-extradition country, if possible) in visit to fix it. Maintain act exclusive via pay-phone. Never turn on your machine or your cell phone. Be trusty that everyone understands that they \"are\" talking to you on your consort cell's speaker-phone (even though they aren't) and use a public tangency at the library to occasionally snap a mail finished a VPN connected to your organization's backup network. Make trusty you manually edit the headers meet sufficiency to attain them unclear to a manlike and completely sensible to a mail agent. If you reassert frequency-silence by leaving your cell phone and machine off, you crapper refrain suspicion to a better degree. Even the more paranoid among your masters module be somewhat comforted by the fact that all the systems are intense \"and\" the GPS devices they've weighed you down with aren't indicating where in the world you are. If you possess a car, take a bus. You probably hit Tom-Tom in there or whatever form of LoJack. If at all possible, find a locate in the mountains (near a National Park or Wildlife Preserve) to do your heavy troubleshooting, live off of berries and kill your possess food. If you're reasonably intelligent, after a week or so, you'll never poverty to come back.
That existence said, given Solaris' and RedHat's solidified track records, I think you'll find that, utilizing a comely steam-powered vacuum cleaner, you crapper attain nearly whatever stain countenance worse. If you do null added for the rest of your life, constantly berate yourself for buying white carpets. And don't go easy on your self. Be really mean. You deserve every moment of the sorrow you're going to endure. What were you thinking? That'll inform you to use Linux, when Unix is a perfectly acceptable alternative OS that is also all biodegradable, so you crapper feel crack while you're busy raping and pillaging the surround in whatever other way.
It goes without locution that...
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