Saturday, September 20, 2008

The "Baby" Man Page: More Linux and Unix Jokes

Hey There,

We made it to another weekend (somehow) by working, and/or sleeping and/or both for another 5 days ;) It's time for a joke or two to help us forget the fact that we're on-call all weekend :P

This week, I found this "man page" parody which may just appeal to me since I'm a father, but also happens to be fairly good clean fun. I have plenty of blue material, but I'll still be able to hold on to that for now ;)

If anyone knows whom the proper attribution goes to, I'd love to put it up here. I found this on a message board (over at, where I try to answer a question or two when I can) and it had already passed through a few hands, so its creator is (at this point) unknown to me.

Refer your children to this if they work up the courage to ask you and you don't know what to say to them ;)

Hope you enjoy and have a great Saturday!


BABY - create new process from two parent processes

BABY sex [ name ]

/usr/5bin/BABY [ -sex ] [ -name ]

The System V version of this command is available with the Sys-
tem V software installation option. Refer to Installing
SunOS 4.1 for information on how to install and invoke BABY.

BABY is initiated when one parent process polls another server
process through a socket connection (BSD) or through pipes in the
system V implementation. BABY runs at a low priority for approximately
40 weeks then terminates with heavy system load. Most systems require
constant monitoring when BABY reaches it's final stages of execution.

Older implementations of BABY required that the initiating
process not be present at the time of completion, In these versions
the initiating process is awakened and notified of the results upon
completion. Modern versions allow both parent processes to be active
during the final stages of BABY.

example% BABY -sex m -name fred


option indicating type of process created.

process identification to be attached to the new process.

Successful execution of the BABY(1) results in new process
being created and named. Parent processes then typically
broadcast messages to all other processes informing them of their
new status in the system.

The SLEEP command may not work on either parent processes for some
time afterward, as new BABY processes constantly send interrupts
which must be handled by one or more parent.

BABY processes upon being created may frequently dump
in /tmp requiring /tmp to be cleaned out frequently by one
of the parent processes.

The original AT&T version was provided without instructions
regarding the created process, this remains in current implementations.

cigars(6) dump(5) cry(3)


FSF version of BABY where none of the authors will accept
responsibility for anything.


baby -sex F -name Samantha Lynn Garriques

Completed successfully at the St. Joseph Medical Center on
November 2, at 3:31 P.M. after about 20 hours of labour.
New Mom Lisa is doing fine and will come home in about 2 days.
More information can be gotten from Dad by e-mail or by
calling the new baby hotline @931-XXXX. Celebrations can
probably begin in about 18 years.

Sun Release 4.1 Last change: Just when I got home from the hospital.

, Mike

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